i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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