It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
