shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
