Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
