drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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