So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
