She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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