it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
