mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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