What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
