how can u be prego again
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
