I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
