she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just found a bag of teeth...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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