I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
