I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
