Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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