Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
