i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
