We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
