the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
