my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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