life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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