it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
