No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
