I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
