I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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