if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
