If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
