so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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