it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
