I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize