Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
