You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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