I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
