So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
