Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
