I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
