What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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