That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
