I could have mohawked her pubes.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize