I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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