god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
youre lurking in front of me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
