any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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