We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
