i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
