Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
