so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is it penis luge time yet?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
