He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize