And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
