does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
