I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize