sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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