What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
