Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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