Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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