I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
