OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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