six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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