i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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