Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
