New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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