I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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