someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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