he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
