hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
