If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
