She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
