i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
