That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
