But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
