doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
