xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
