I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
