my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
