I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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