After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
