i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Fuck appropriateness.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize