Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
