No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
