Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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