That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
