i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
